The kiddie table has long been a refuge at holiday gatherings but this year, there was an egregious violation. To be fair, in order for a violation to occur, there has to be a clear set of rules. After a quick search, I came up empty handed, so I submit to the world a framework that can be built upon as necessary.
Rule 1: Actual kids get the first dibs at the table. If they choose to forfit their positions, the next-youngest person has a right to the table.
Rule 2: The youngest person at the table has the right to be designated "Table Overlord" and thus has the authority to say who can and cannot sit at the table. (Note: This right does not exempt this person from possible repricussions based on decisions made).
Rule 3: If you are over 50 years old, you are banished from the kiddie table. Chances are, if you are that old, the people at the kid's table will be making fun of you. If you are present, this becomes impossible and greatly detracts from the enjoyment of the holiday.
Rule 4: If you are crazy, you are also banished from the kid's table UNLESS you are "funny crazy" which is to be solely determined by rightful occupants. Crazy people include but are not limited to:
a) People who own more than 2 cats
b) People who do not leave their town of residence at least once a month
c) Women who send letters to priests with little heart stickers on them
d) People who think that the actual kid's at the table are their own children when in fact, they are not
The rules are simple. Sadly, rules 3 and 4 were broken this year detracting from the usual pleasure I get from poking fun at relatives who deserve it. Instead, I enjoyed my Turkey in silence - at least it was good Turkey.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Saturday, November 3, 2007
High School Rivalries...
Today, I was on my way to grocery store and while driving by my old high school, I noticed that the nice, big, expensive message board was covered, wrapped to be more precise, in thick, clear plastic. This could mean only one thing - this was the week of the Liberty/Freedom footbal game.
For those of you who aren't locals, Liberty was the name of my high school and Freedom was the "other" high school across town. Every year, the teams would meet in one of the biggest games of the year. It wasn't big in the sense that Freedom was a difficult opponent but more that they were our number one rival. [Note: It's always a good policy to have a rival that is never as good as you and that you always beat].
The best part of the rivalry was the week leading up to the big game - aka Spirit Week. Every day, there was some event meant to boost school spirit and decorations all over the place. What made Spirit Week special was the war that students waged on the other school. It got so bad that they had to stop having the football game on a Friday night and had to move it to Saturday afternoons.
Back in the day, we used to cause all sorts of havoc. Freedom students once let chickens loose in our band room. Liberty students, in what was not our proudest moment, poured red and blue (our school colors) Kool-Aid into their pool not realizing that the filters would mix them together and turn the pool purple. In addition to the good-natured fun, things turned dirty and people would vandalize the other school's property.
But of all the hype, there were three stories that I will remember fondly; two of which happened during my tenure and the third happening the year after I graduated.
1) Freedom's homeroom was held in the gym every morning. My friend Lisa and a crew of band members (with her dad's help I believe), managed to put a tape recording of Liberty's fight song and some speakers into a clarinet case which in turn was soldered shut. They then snuck into Freedom's homeroom and strategically placed said cases into a pile of other cases Freedom's band members had placed against a wall. As homeroom began, the fight song began to play over and over again and no one could find the source. Eventually, they located the cases but couldn't get them opened. It turned into a large scale effort with people throwing the cases at the wall to get them to stop.
2) The night before the game was typically the time that Freedom made their move on our high school. We had received intelligence that they were planning a hit on our band room late at night. At the time, I was in charge of all the lighting and sound in our auditorium (it's not as nerdy as it sounds, I swear) so I have access to a few spotlights. The entrance to our bandroom was in a square parking lot with only one entrance. We had positioned about three spotlights in various elevated areas and had about 50 people hidden in various spots in the area ready with water balloons and other weapons. We were about to give up at about 1am when a car came around the corner of the building with no headlights running on silent. When the car stopped, the invaders got out....SHUNK....SHUNK.....SHUNK... three spotlights on them and the attack began. The poor guys didn't stand a chance but it was war. We won that battle in a big way.
3) Our rival is a fortress-like citadel with a mushroom like shape. Across the roof along a flat part of a wall is "FREEDOM HIGH SCHOOL" in nice letters that spans the entire complex. Some people got the brilliant idea to make two banners, sneak up to the roof, and throw the banner over the wall so it read "Liberty HIGH SCHOOL Forever!". When the student arrived the next morning, they were all shocked to see it. The principal at the time got the great idea to have a little pep rally at the end of the day and have a ceremony to cut down the banners. The perpetrators heard of this and decided that they would join the pep rally pretending to be Freedom students. As they cut the banners down, they went up, grabbed them before they hit the ground and started running (rolling the large banners as they went). They were in turn chased by essentially the entire school. They made it back to a waiting car and sped off without harm. To add insult to injury, we hung the banners on our side of the bleachers the night of the game.
Rivalries are great and I was fortunate to have a good cross town high school rival...
For those of you who aren't locals, Liberty was the name of my high school and Freedom was the "other" high school across town. Every year, the teams would meet in one of the biggest games of the year. It wasn't big in the sense that Freedom was a difficult opponent but more that they were our number one rival. [Note: It's always a good policy to have a rival that is never as good as you and that you always beat].
The best part of the rivalry was the week leading up to the big game - aka Spirit Week. Every day, there was some event meant to boost school spirit and decorations all over the place. What made Spirit Week special was the war that students waged on the other school. It got so bad that they had to stop having the football game on a Friday night and had to move it to Saturday afternoons.
Back in the day, we used to cause all sorts of havoc. Freedom students once let chickens loose in our band room. Liberty students, in what was not our proudest moment, poured red and blue (our school colors) Kool-Aid into their pool not realizing that the filters would mix them together and turn the pool purple. In addition to the good-natured fun, things turned dirty and people would vandalize the other school's property.
But of all the hype, there were three stories that I will remember fondly; two of which happened during my tenure and the third happening the year after I graduated.
1) Freedom's homeroom was held in the gym every morning. My friend Lisa and a crew of band members (with her dad's help I believe), managed to put a tape recording of Liberty's fight song and some speakers into a clarinet case which in turn was soldered shut. They then snuck into Freedom's homeroom and strategically placed said cases into a pile of other cases Freedom's band members had placed against a wall. As homeroom began, the fight song began to play over and over again and no one could find the source. Eventually, they located the cases but couldn't get them opened. It turned into a large scale effort with people throwing the cases at the wall to get them to stop.
2) The night before the game was typically the time that Freedom made their move on our high school. We had received intelligence that they were planning a hit on our band room late at night. At the time, I was in charge of all the lighting and sound in our auditorium (it's not as nerdy as it sounds, I swear) so I have access to a few spotlights. The entrance to our bandroom was in a square parking lot with only one entrance. We had positioned about three spotlights in various elevated areas and had about 50 people hidden in various spots in the area ready with water balloons and other weapons. We were about to give up at about 1am when a car came around the corner of the building with no headlights running on silent. When the car stopped, the invaders got out....SHUNK....SHUNK.....SHUNK... three spotlights on them and the attack began. The poor guys didn't stand a chance but it was war. We won that battle in a big way.
3) Our rival is a fortress-like citadel with a mushroom like shape. Across the roof along a flat part of a wall is "FREEDOM HIGH SCHOOL" in nice letters that spans the entire complex. Some people got the brilliant idea to make two banners, sneak up to the roof, and throw the banner over the wall so it read "Liberty HIGH SCHOOL Forever!". When the student arrived the next morning, they were all shocked to see it. The principal at the time got the great idea to have a little pep rally at the end of the day and have a ceremony to cut down the banners. The perpetrators heard of this and decided that they would join the pep rally pretending to be Freedom students. As they cut the banners down, they went up, grabbed them before they hit the ground and started running (rolling the large banners as they went). They were in turn chased by essentially the entire school. They made it back to a waiting car and sped off without harm. To add insult to injury, we hung the banners on our side of the bleachers the night of the game.
Rivalries are great and I was fortunate to have a good cross town high school rival...
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