Jimmy Buffet

I’ve always wanted to go see a Jimmy Buffet concert but every time I tried to get tickets, the Parrotheads would have always beaten me to them. I finally had my opportunity when I came to California as I happened to check when the show was going to be the day tickets went on sale. Because of his huge following, JB is able to get a hefty price for his tickets so I ended up paying close to $100 for a back row seat. I could have paid less for a lawn seat but I didn’t know the arena well enough and after the fact, the lawn area looked to be so packed that I wouldn’t have been able to move.

It was on a Thursday before Memorial Day so I would have imagined that most people were starting their weekend early. I think what makes Jimmy Buffet so popular is the whole experience of the concert more than the music itself. I arrived as early as I could have (after work) and had about an hour or so to walk around the parking lot. Some people went all out and had full blown tiki bars set up and had been partying for quite some time. What was funniest to me is that you would expect all of the drunken debauchery to be a result of young people. To be honest though, I was probably one of the youngest people there and demographic was much older. It was a cross between a civilized Penn State tailgate from the age perspective and a frat party from the atmosphere perspective. Well, I guess that would be true if Penn State were located on a beach somewhere but we all know that isn’t the case.

People were in full Parrothead regalia including fat old men with coconut bras and grass skirts, hats decorated with Junior Mints, cars with shark fins, and parrots perched on shoulders. I even saw someone driving around a motorized cooler and there were more shot-ski’s than I can count. All in all, a fun atmosphere.

The venue for the concert was the Verizon Amphitheatre which is an outdoor concert area essentially carved into the side of a rolling hill. As I mentioned, I had seats in the very back row which was right in front of a major walkway. In general, it was a terrible location. The stage was far enough away that Jimmy and the Coral Reefers looked like white blurs but more importantly, all the drunk idiots would walk behind me and get in fights only to then get tackled to the ground by security and kicked out. The novelty of this wore off after the first two and then it just became distracting.

Directly in front me sat the world’s tallest man. He was a clear foot and a half taller than me which says a lot. While he blocked my vertical view, I was able to crane my neck around him to see the stage. That was of course until two rows in front of me sat the widest man in the world thus blocking the remainder of my view.

While the pre-concert atmosphere was exciting, I was surprised at the level of enthusiasm during the concert - overall, it was fairly low key. It could have been because my seats were so far back, the fact that Jimmy opened with quite a few songs that most people never heard of, or it could have been the alcohol tiring people out. But what most surprised me about this was that Jimmy himself didn’t seem to be overly energetic which made it hard to really get into it. Don’t get me wrong, it was still fun, but just not quite what I expected from the hype. I was finally able to see some of the faces with the names that I’ve heard on Jimmy’s live CD’s before. Mr. Utley was playing the keyboards and Mac Macannaly (sp?) looks exactly like George Lucas (quite freaky) but he gets bonus points for keeping the 70’s style alive and still managing to be cool.

The pinnacle of the evening for me came from two drunk girls (always a source of entertainment). As I mentioned, I was in the last row and behind me was one of those token beverage and food carts you see at fairs or other public events. There was about a 1.5 foot gap between the back of my seat and this cart and a girl, along with her friend, somehow managed to sneak into the small space between my seat and the cart. I tried to ignore it until I heard a loud thud and felt warm liquid pouring down my side. I turned around to see Girl #1 had somehow managed to fall down between the seats and the cart and Girl #2 in shock, decided an appropriate reaction would be to pour her beer on me to reflect her surprise.

Girl #2 apologized profusely until I accepted her apology. Girl #1 however, was stuck. A guy sitting next to me and I tried to help her up but she was having none of it, shouting “My boobs are stuck, OH MY GOD!”. I looked at her and replied, “Sorry ma’am, there is nothing I can do to help you with that”. Not amused, she told us just to pull her up hard. We did, and she became free.

She was so grateful for my help that she decided to sit next to me. I was thrilled. She turned to me and said, in her drunken stupor, and the following conversation ensued:

Girl: “You know, I just don’t think my right boob can get any bigger.”
Me: “How does your left boob feel about that?”
Girl: “No Seriously, THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping me”
Me: “Not a probl…..”

Girl proceeds to kiss me on the cheek to show her adulation. No, scratch that, she decides to MAKE OUT with my cheek, tongue and all. It was awkward.

Girl: “I love Jimmy Buffet. I really love him. Him, Trace Adkins, and Tom Petty”
Me: “Well, it’s good you know what musicians you like the most”
Girl: “Who are your favorites?”
Me: “Oh, I like a lot. I like Jimmy Buffet of course. I also like Billy Joel I guess”
Girl: “YOU MUST BE A JEW.”
Me: “I’m not sure how I should respond to that. No, I’m not Jewish, not that there is anything wrong with that.”

Girl: “I’m sorry, I’m a horrible person”
Me: “No, you are just Anti-Semitic”

After this little exchange of dialogue, her friend decides it’s time to go and they leave. For this I am grateful.

The rest of the night was uneventful. My fins went to the left and the right and all was well with the world. As I left, I pondered how great it must be to actually be Jimmy Buffet. He’s not an overly talented singer from a technical standpoint but he has managed to build an empire of music, successful restaurant chains, successful alcohol brands (both liquor and beer), has written two best selling novels, and gets to tour the country ever year and see his adoring fans (and I do mean adoring). He’s spent most of his adult years living near a beach in places like Key West. It must be a hard life for him.